Hot mess express

Happy Monday....said no one ever.

I went MIA last week mainly because I felt like I literally had nothing to write about. I'm sure nobody wanted to hear that again I WASN'T going to the gym or working out because it was still too painful to wear close-toed shoes, and my life is pretty boring otherwise. So now I'm going to do a phone dump :)

First of all, my best friend in the entire world graduated on Saturday from San Diego State!!! I'm so proud of her!!!



Dress from Styles For Less (my new fav store), belt
from J Crew Factory.

Afterwards we partied because her family is awesome like that. I was the reigning flip cup champ.

Then yesterday I was basically a hot mess. I laid out like I did last weekend, but I had myself some cheap Trader Joe's Coastal Chardonnay (in my Redneck Wine Glass)

Yep. I'm a class act.

And Winnie laid out too

Eat your hearts out, people!!!

She also enjoys being held like a baby. Because she IS my baby. OK I know I'm obsessed. That dress was also from Styles for Less.

I proceeded to continue drinking my weight in wine, then cooked dinner for me, my momma, momma's friend, and my friend and for some reason we decided to open up my '04 bottle of Syrah from Orfila when I was way too shmammered to enjoy it. I did snap a pic of the cork though. It smelled amazing.

That's some old wine.

Wanna see how much of a hot mess I was last weekend during Mother's Day Wine Tasting? My mom's friend sent me this gem last night...

Don't worry, the bottle was closed. I look kinda skinny there, huh!??!

Anyway. Hopping off the hot mess express for this week at least haha. Again, my toe is feeling pretty decent, but being in shoes just hurts. I might just power through it anyway though because I feel like a fattie. And also the new friend-boy is gone for two weeks and I might as well use my free time productively. I'm also looking forward to finally playing kickball this week!

I'm going to link up with Operation Skinny Jeans and set some goals again.

Goal 1: Keep drinking lots of water!!! This was inspired by Jess. I've been pretty good at drinking water only when I'm at work--I resist the soda temptation down in the cafeteria. But when I'm home I drink wine.

OK totally kidding haha but still I need to stay on top of it. And drinking water is supposed to help suppress your appetite or keep you from over-eating, which is a problem of mine. I have no self control.

Goal 2: Eat breakfast every day. I failed at this this morning because I was hungover and didn't give myself any extra time. But even if it's a granola bar or something I need to kickstart my metabolism early!

Goal 3: Make it to the gym!!! I know this is kind of out of my control but God I really need to get back to working out regularly. Eff.

Well that's all for me for now. I hope you lovely ladies all had a fab weekend and weren't a complete hot mess like me. Actually I take that back, sometimes being a hot mess is fun :)


Love y'all!

The jig is up.

I finally got up the nerve to step on the scale this morning when I woke up. It wasn't worse than I expected, thank God. But it still was disappointing. I'm back up to 187, bringing my total weight loss to 15 pounds since January instead of 20, which I had reached about a month ago. Since then, I have barely made a habit of going to the gym after work since I switched jobs, then I broke my toe and felt sorry for myself as you probably already know.

I'm all over the place. At home I'm eating healthy, because I don't keep unhealthy food in the house. That's one accomplishment I can say I've made in this new year. But if I'm out, and I'm hungry, I've stopped at Jack in the Box or In & Out. I haven't made a super bad habit of it, but it's bad regardless. I've also been eating out at restaurants a LOT. I'm a social butterfly and I like to be with my friends and go out and have fun. I just need to exercise self-control when I'm out. Order off the skinny menu instead of the fat menu, drink Light Beer or just one glass of wine instead of a Brown Ale or a cocktail.

I also need to quit being a pansy and put on my tennis shoes and go to the gym and work through the pain of my toe. It's gonna be ok. Everyone breaks their toes.

I guess it all goes back to my original issue with every getting a fire lit under my butt to even START attempting to get in shape and lose weight: I'm OK with myself. I'm not necessarily thrilled when I look in the mirror, but I'm not disgusted, either. And, I know this is going to sound totally vain and shallow but it's the truth: when I have a boy in my life in any capacity, I lose motivation even more. They're happy with the way i look, so why bother? I know, I know...I'm sure they'd be even more happy with the way I looked if I was another 15-20 pounds lighter.

So what I've decided I need to do (among other things) is set solid goals. So here they are:

• Be at 175 (-12) lbs by June 30th. Unfortunate, because my previous goal was to be 170 by May 31st. But clearly that's not going to happen.
• Be a comfortable size 10 by June 30th as well.
• Long term=be at 155 lbs/size 8 (or maybe even a 6) by August 30th--remember I'm tall, people.

To make these happen, I know I need to keep tracking on MyFitnessPal to make sure I'm under 1500 calories a day, and MOVE MY ASS.

Today, big surprise, I have dinner plans after work. But tomorrow is my free day literally until next Tuesday, and I'm going to make the best of it and go to the gym when I'm off.

Enough of my pity party, now. First I want to share my new favorite healthy snack. I have a huge sweet tooth and I LOVE COOKIES.

They're pretty good sized and taste like a legitimite cookie. One thing I don't love about Kashi is, well, that most of their snacks taste healthy haha. They'll say chocolate but it tastes like mashed up raisins. But not these! They're 130 calories each and are a good quick snack to hold you over for a few hours.

I also want to share this. For everyone struggling like I am.

Gotta love Pinspirational quotes!

Alright. As usual this is part of the 5k Challenge Linkup with KTJ:

Happy Tuesday y'all!

Mother's Day Weekend Phone Dump

Mondays suck.




OK I take that back. Mondays suck if you have a job you hate, I guess. Luckily I pretty much love my job, I just hate getting out of bed in the morning.

I digress.

This weekend was pretty great, and consisted of multiple Mother's Day Celebrations. And multiple trips to wineries. :)

Friday after work I went with one of my best friends/sorority sisters and my mom and her friend to Orfila here in San Diego County, followed by Cordiano Winery. If you live in the area or ever visit, both are definitely worth the drive.

And I've posted this from our last visit to Cordiano, but I'm pretty sure this is where I'll get married one day:

Saturday we went up to Temecula, and I got shmammered. Oooopsies :)




Check out my momma and my shellac mani's we got on Saturday.

Then yesterday I laid out next to my house (they're doing construction on the pool in our community and it was too nice out not to). Yes, I live in a mobile home park (like on Welcome to Myrtle Manor.....I wish), and I had to capture the white trash moment :)




Yep. We have plastic flamingos. We're classy, y'all.

 Later on we went up to my aunt and uncle's house for din din. They're always doing something to their house, and now they're completely redoing their back patio area. Thankfully the construction isn't taking over the entire, amazing, resort-like backyard. Anyway, I took a picture of my Winnie Pooh because she was just being too cute.

She thoroughly enjoyed being on the diving board. Dunno why.

I can't wait for the patio to be done. It will have heaters, a huge pull-down screen for movies, a couch, curtains, a changing area for the pool, and a built-in dog house. Amazingness. I'll def post pics.

And one quick shoutout to my amazing momma and grandmomma.

I know, I'm ghetto and just took pictures of the wall-hung photos, but it's the thought that counts, right? Both my mom and my grandma are wonderful women and I'm lucky to have them in my life :)

Overall, it was a great weekend! With the exception of drunkenly dropping my phone in a full sink on Saturday night! It was fully submerged. And my drunk ass immediately grabbed it and put it in a bowl of quinoa because we didn't have any rice in the house. Yesterday morning it wasn't making any noise when I got a text, only phone calls, so I made an appointment at the apple store. But then all of a sudden it started working again. I got lucky. Reeaaaaaallllll lucky. I really would appreciate if my new monogrammed otterbox would hurry up and get here.

Ah.

OK I'm done boring everyone with my phone dump.

Update on the toe: It's feeling better and better every day! Still haven't been able to wear close-toed shoes, but I've only really attempted with my narrow Steve Madden flats. So I need to try with tennis shoes. Wish me luck!

Hope everyone had a great Mommy Day Weekend like I did!

Pieces of Happy on a Beautiful Friday :)

Hey y'all!

It's FRIDAY FRIDAY FRIDAY! I'm happy about that. This is going to be a monstrous post. You've been warned.

So I'm gonna be honest (not that I'm not usually honest). I had this post typed up last night. Because I was bored and too chicken-s*&# to put on shoes and attempt going to the gym on my toe. My bathroom was looking real organized so I decided to take a picture--best it's never like that. That's just the result of having an anal-retentive, clean-freak mother you live with who goes nutso when company is coming over. Usually my crap is strewn all over the place.

Anyway, I took the pictures and wrote out reviews of my pretty-products. Then today I was reading some of my fav. blogs and stumbled across Chasing Happy and her Pieces of Happy Linkup. I was a little touched by the whole finding-the-good-and-happy-things-in-your-life idea, especially because I've felt very sorry for myself the last week. Wah wah wah I broke my toe and I have no self-control so I'm going to get super fat again and reverse the hard work I've put in. Not necessary, people!

So I'm linking up and before I get to my bathroom crap, I'm going to point out some things the last few weeks that have really brightened my day :)

First of all, this:

I work at a very nice hotel. The chef makes completely original mini-cupcakes every single morning that sit in a pretty little cake-stand thing at the front desk for the guests at check-in. Before they get placed out there, though, the main stash of them is in the back office. Where I work. They tempt me every day. But sometimes I put my blinders on and just don't look. Today everyone was all "OMG you have to look at the cupcakes today!" Yeah...I did...And I couldn't help but grab one. And I ate it. And it was freaking incredible. Like an orgasm. In my mouth. Yes, I know...not classy, Nicole. I. Dont. Care. All i can say is, thank GOD it was a mini-cupcake. It makes me feel a little less like a fattie about eating it.

So there's one great big piece of happiness in the form of a mini-cupcake.

Moving on...

Yesterday I instagrammed this picture. I went out and sat on the cute bench at lunch and it was just such a gorgeous day. I love living in San Diego. One of my biggest blessings in life is being so close to this every single day :)

I also found out that one of my littles is coming to visit this June!!!! I can't waitttt!!!! Her name is Paige, and she's a crazy little badass. She's hilarious, and I just love her. She's also bringing another one of our sorority sisters and her roommate. I'm pumped! Here's me and Paige before our sorority formal in the Spring of 2011, just after I found out she was MINE ALL MINE!

This week my Aunt Denise came and visited, which always makes my day. She's my mom's best friend of a lonnnng time and she lives in Minnessota now. So I don't see her that often, but she's amazing. She's always taken care of my mom and me and I don't know what we would do without her!!

And this picture just melts my heart/makes me giggle/makes me scoff at how spoiled rotten my dog is...

Yep. Miss Winnie the Cockapoo had one too many glasses of wine.

Totally kidding, she fell asleep begging for food. No, I did NOT give in! I just let her sit on my lap :) I know, I'm a terrible mother.

Now that I've typed all that, I feel wonderful about my life. Even though I'm broke as a joke and have a broken toe to boot. I still have many more blessings than things to complain about. Now onto my pretty products:

So starting with my right corner haha.

My hair crap: 

• Chi straightener (like, circa 2005). It's an oldie but a goodie. I know it'll probably bite the dust here soon, but I'll just replace it with the same exact straightener. I don't uuussssuuuaaaallllllllyyyy completely straighten my hair. I naturally have very frizzy, curly, somewhat thin hair and I am obsessed with volume (as you will see), so the last thing I want is what a straightener does to my hair, which is flatten it. I only usually straight the roots, because my roots stay frizzy and curly even though I blow-dry it out. Then the rest I curl. 
• 2 Hot Tools Gold Ceramic Curling Irons (I have an 1" and a 1.5" inch). I bought my first Hot Tools curling iron after watching some of The Small Things Tutorials. She always uses Hot Tools, and so do my hair stylists, and they're not crazy expensive and they work wonderfully. I hiiiiighly recommend one of those over a 'drug-store' type brand. 
• Hot Tools Ionic Hair Dryer (about $35 bucks at Ulta). This is the best blow-dryer I have ever used. I bought it after I became obsessed with my Hot Tools Curling Irons. It's sooooo strong but not too hot, and it gets the job done in about 5 minutes. 
• Big Sexy Hair Root Pump Mousse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I lovvvvve this stuff!!!! I'm not sure how it works for hair with a different texture than mine, but I've heard pretty much only positive things all across the board. I originally tried it back in high school before I knew how to do my  hair like I do now, so I didn't realize it's full potential until recently :) BUY IT. 
• Got2b Powder'ful Volumizing Styling Powder. I didn't even know this stuff existed until my friend had me use some of a different brand she had at her house. I fell in love. It basically does what a light tease would do, without risking damaging your hair. Ulta was sold out of the brand she had (which was 5 bucks) and I didn't want to spend $20 bucks on a higher-end brand when I wasn't sure I was going to like it, so I got the Got2b. It was about $5 bucks and I'm completely satisfied with it. 
• Aveda Elements Smoothing Serum. I feel neutral about this considering how expensive it was. I've spent a few bucks on smoothing serums that do the same job as this stuff which was like $14. 
• Tresemme Dry Shampoo. It's cheap and saves me from washing my hair one or two days a week. Definitely a keeper. 
• Pantene Volume 4 Hairspray. Not a keeper. It has way too strong of a hold for what I prefer. Personally I love Tresemme--whatever their medium hold is. 
• Coconut Oil!!!!!!!! It's hiding behind the Burts Bees lotion and some other random crap. I got it at Trader Joe's for a couple of bucks and I love it. I love the way it smells, the way it feels, how easy it is to use, everything! I haven't used it in any way other than as a repairing treatment on my hair, but I'm planning on trying it on my skin at some point. 

My Face: 

• PROACTIV. OK folks. I'm gonna be real honest with you. I am horrible at maintaining a schedule for my face. I don't know why. I just am. But I used to be worse. In high school I struggled with what I thought was terrible acne--in hindsight it was moderate. But either way, I had pimples. I tried prescription stuff, and it didn't do anything. I tried neutrogena, and it didn't do anything. Then I tried Proactiv and it worked for a while and then I fell out of routine. Then I got good at makeup and stopped caring. Then I went to college and got on birth control and it was like a miracle! My face cleared up. But I was left with some mild scarring and very uneven, red skin-tone. So I bought Proactiv again, and it worked. I don't use it twice a day--usually I do once a day. It's pretty strong and I have sensitive skin so I think it actually works better for me that way. I also love their oil-free moisture control stuff (free gift). I have oily skin and when I use it before I put my makeup on it usually takes longer to get nasty oily skin. 
• The epicurean apricot scrub I got after a facial at a fancy shmancy day spa. I use it sometimes, if I'm feelin' frisky. It's just a little treat I guess. 

Now over on the left side.....

• BABY WIPES! Another recent obsession after a suggestion from a friend. I used to remove my makeup/wash my face at night with neutrogena makeup removing wipes (or knockoffs). But Pampers Sensitive Baby Wipes do the saaaaame exact thing and you get more than double the amount for less than half the price. Do yourself a favor and start using baby wipes to remove your makeup. 

Makeup: 

• I could do a whole post on my makeup. But since you can't see much I'll just touch on what's on top--my favorite eyeshadow--Too Faced Natural Eye Palette. It's got almost as good of pigment as Urban Decay and it's only like $25 bucks. They make a few other palettes too. Definitely a keeper. 

You can also see my Country Chic Body Spray from Bath and Body Works. I'm not a huge perfume or body spray girl, but I do love the smell of that stuff. I also have it in lotion (I switch between it and the Burts Bees that was in the other picture), but I want to get it in perfume-version because, well, body spray is a very temporary solution haha. It goes away after like an hour.

The jewelry is mostly crap--some treasures--but mostly crap. 

So overall, I'm pretty thrifty when I buy my beauty products. And if I do spend a lot of money on a high-end product, it's because I really believe in it (for the most part). Otherwise, I'm more of a cheaper-alternative kinda girl. I don't own a slew of $15-$20 makeup brushes, because I don't take care of them well enough to invest that much money on them. I do, however, take good enough care of my hair styling tools to invest a little more than you would spend on, say, conair products, because they last longer. So in the end, I'm saving myself money still. 

With all this being said, I'm a PRODUCT JUNKIE and I'm almost always down to try something new--with the exception of maybe my root-pumping spray and a few nude lipsticks I own that aren't shown. So if you're crazy about a certain something, throw a suggestion my way!!! 

I hope everyone has a faaaaaabulous weekend--take a guess at how mine is getting started...

WINE TASTING. I know, I know....it's becoming excessive. But it's cheap when your mom is little-miss-popular and the bartenders all love her/her spawn!!! 

Love y'all. 

Finish the Sentence Linkup with Holly and Jake!

Thank God it's Thursday! One more day of my work week and I'm freeee for the weeekennnddd!!!

Last night we went to Burlap, like I talked about yesterday. It was pretty awesome. Pricy, yes. And not something I could afford on a regular basis. But it was a nice treat. I had a pork tenderloin that could be cut with a butter knife. Soooo yummmy....and not on my diet.

Only weird thing I had was a strawberry tart for dessert. It had some basil cream on top and it tasted like pesto to me. I mean, isn't pesto pretty much a basil cream sauce with some olive oil and pine nuts? Anyway. The rest was wonderful.

Now, onto today's linkup, Finish the Sentence with Holly and Jake! I read Holly's blog often, but not Jake. Until now. I'm probably going to spend the rest of my free time today reading his blog now that I know how funny he is. Here ya go!

Unlike my sibling(s) (that I love very much)... Wellp. This is awkward. I have no siblings.

My best friend says... "joe-quinn" Phoenix instead of pronouncing it correctly (you know, "wahhhh-keeeeen). The first time I caught her doing it she really, genuinely thought that's how you said his name. Now she does it to make me giggle.

Yes, this was 20 pounds ago.

People call me... PRINCESS. For some reason every single person I meet and form any sort of relationship with determines, after an amount of time, that I am indeed a Princess. My tiara just so happens to be camo.

 

The best part of my day... is when I get home after being gone for any length of time (5 minutes to a day or longer) and my sweet Winnie the Cockapoo freaks the hell out like she hasn't seen me in a year and thought I died. Every. Single. Day. (sometimes multiple times per day).



Don't worry, she got her hair cut.

I really don't understand... Spanish. Yes, I'm a San Diego native, and YES, I TOOK FRENCH IN HIGH SCHOOL. Sorry I'm not sorry I didn't learn to speak Spanish so people living in San Diego who's native language is Spanish, don't have to learn to speak English. Sorry, off my soapbox I go now. BTW, I also barely understand French :)

 

I get really annoyed... When people criticize me and others for being patriotic. I love my country. You should too. Sorry, again, off my soapbox I go...

My patriotic friend :)



There's nothing like a... Sipping wine out of a 7/11 Big Gulp on the beach. See? Redneck Princess.

 

Lately, I can't get enough... NEWS. I'm obsessed with news. It's from having so much downtime at work but I can't stop reading it. I'll literally refresh to see if they've changed the cover story. I'm also convincing myself that the world is a terrible place and pushing me further under my rock. (And no, I don't only read Fox News. I like to cross-check my news' sources like an educated adult.)

One thing I am NOT is... Quiet. I also have ahearing problem so that's probably why I talk louder than the average person. Or I'm just a loudass.

I spent too much money on... Anything and everything. Remember I have no self control. 
 

I want to learn.... Every single country line dance known to man. So I can be that girl at the country bar.

If I ever met Jake in real life , I would... take him out line dancing at the local country bar, DUH!

I can't stop... myself from having to do something else during a movie. I can sit through a few hours of mindless reality TV that takes no brain power to follow, but my attention span just doesn't tolerate a full-length movie. I have to get up. And get my phone. Make a snack. ANYTHING.

Never have I ever... Been 100% honest during an actualy game of never have I ever. Except now! Shhhh don't tell my sorority sisters.

Reese Witherspoon... Used to be one of my favorite people of all time back when I paid attention to pop culture and watched movies. Now that I live under my rock I rarely see any of her movies or read about her or hear about her. I do know about the DUI thing, and I don't really give two shits about it. Oopsies.


I can't wait to read through everyone else's answers. Have a happy Thirsty Thursday everyone!



Ramblings, pinspiration, and a RECIPE!

Happy Hump Day y'all! I can't believe how fast this week is going. Hopefully this is a good thing and it means my toe will be healed in no-time...

Anyway. I talked to a friend of mine who goes to the same gym as me and she told me I should go to the Abs class. The only thing she could think of that I might not be able to do are planks. So if I can fit my foot comfortably in tennis shoes tomorrow, I will go. I will also use this baby:

That ^^^^^ is what I was talking about yesterday. I watched a youtube video on how to use it--it's pretty self-explanatory--so I think I can handle it.

Again, this all depends on if I can wear shoes comfortably tomorrow. I might have to bust out my old dirty walmart shoes instead of my Mizunos because they're more stretched out, but oh well. Please pray my toe magically starts to feel just a littttttle bit better by tomorrow!!

Tonight I'm super excited to go to dinner with my aunt at another Brian Malarkey restaurant here in town, Burlap. It's supposedly "Asian Cowboy Cuisine" so it should be interesting...haha.

And for the first time ever, I'm going to share a recipe!!! Last night I made Chicken Enchiladas (for the first time in my life) and they were pretty much skinny--you could make them skinnier--and turned out pretty good! I didn't follow a recipe, but this is what I will do from now on:

What you need:

• 2-4 chicken breasts depending on how much you wanna make
• Greek Yogurt
• Cream cheese (you could use low-fat, but I can't stand that shit)
• Jack cheese, shredded (you could use low-fat, I didn't have any)
• Tortillas (I used all I had, which was flour, but I think wheat would taste fine)
• Your favorite salsa (I used market pantry chipotle salsa from walmart--high class, y'all)

1. Boil the chicken and shred it up with two forks--or however you like to shred your chicken
2. Stir in a heaping tablespoonful of cream cheese and two or three of Greek yogurt (depending on how much chicken you use. That was with 3.5 chicken breasts shredded)
3. Stir on 3 tablespoonfuls of your salsa--***meanwhile, preheat your oven to 350.
4. In a separate bowl, combine 4 tablespoons of salsa and 3-4 tablespoons of Greek yogurt for the sauce.
5. Pour half of your sauce in a glass baking dish
6. Take a tortilla, lay it flat, and spread the chicken mixture on it and roll it up. Place it seam-side down in the baking dish
7. Repeat step 6 until you run outta chicken, duh!
8. Pour the rest of your sauce over the enchiladas
9. Sprinkle the cheese on top
10. Pop it in the oven and let 'em cook for 15-20 minutes.

Honestly, you could make that your own in a lot of ways. I wanted to make the sauce an avocado cream sauce but our houseguest doesn't like avocados (lunacy, I tell ya). And you could make it more skinny. Personally I was completely satisfied with one of those enchiladas (the tortillas were large) and a side of rice. It was almost a completely clean recipe, too. So I'm ok with it. Like I said, I haaattttteeeeee low-fat cream cheese. Disgusting.

They turned out mas delicias!

See what I did there?

Anyhoo, follow me on instagram and you woulda seen that picture last night :)

And just because...some pinspiration:

BTW, I HAVE A BUTTON! Grab it if ya wanna :)

Ta ta for now!

Another linkup because I need motivation desperately

I feel like I'm getting back into my fat-fattie ways. For real. Last night I didn't feel like cooking and we have a house guest, and my suggestion was PIZZA. Pizza? Really? Pizza.

Disgusting. But sooooooo goooooooooooood. And breadsticks. And que papas (if you don't know what they are, don't order them because you'll become an addict like me). It's a miracle I didn't throw in a 2-liter of Dr. Pepper too. But that does sound quite tasty.

See? It's happening!

I need self-control now more than ever. I tried to wear flats to work today (I've been getting away with wearing flippy-floppies because my manager's cool like that) and it hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt. There's no way I'm going to be able to do any kind of real cardio--unless anyone has any suggestions? I know there's rowing machines at the gym but I have no idea how to use them....so enlighten me if you do!

Anyway. Onto the linkup with KTJ for the 5k Spring Training Challenge. No cardio doesn't mean I can't be healthy and still work toward getting fit. I just haven't quite convinced myself of that. Yesterday I posted my goals for this week, and one of them was to do toning exercises every day at home. Obviously yesterday I failed. But this morning I scoured my Pinterest in search of some good workouts and I think I found some I can do:



Love handles are my problem area, I've decided.

KTJ also asked what motivates us. While looking at my fitness board on pinterest I found one of my favorrriiitttteeee Jillian Michaels pins of all time:



EVERYTHINNNNGGGG!!!! Ahahaha I die.

Anyway, Jillian Michaels really does inspire me. I can't wait to get down to my short-term goal of 170 lbs and start the 30-day Shred. Somethings tells me I couldn't quite handle her at this point in my journey lol. 
I also found this pin which realy spoke to me...given the situation lol.

Nothing crazy-wise or deep going on there, but it reminded me that this could be a really awesome opportunity to, like I said earlier, teach myself to have SELF-CONTROL, of which I have none. And discipline.

I was talking to a friend a few weeks ago about how I've never really had to push myself in life. Don't get me wrong, I've always been a goal-setting person and I usually achieve the goals I do set for myself--like graduating college in 4 years, graduating with honors, being the VP of my sorority, etc etc. However, in order to achieve those goals I never reaalllllly had to push myself. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I was that kid you loved to hate because I could get b's and a's without really trying. If I DID actually try, I probably could have graduated Magna or Suma Cum Laude instead of just plain old Cum Laude (Btw, I barely squeezed by with exactly a 3.25 final GPA). Not once did I EVER sacrifice fun for studying or homework in college. Never once. If I wanted to go out to a party or hang out with friends, I did. I knew just how much effort I needed to put into school to get acceptable grades and I never did anything more than that. And I think that also has to do with why I never succeeded in anything athletic in my life. I thought about trying a few sports throughout my life, but never felt like I was ever going to be good enough. If I knew I wasn't going to be good at something without trying, I wouldn't go for it.

I don't know if any of that makes sense and now I see I just went off on a major tangeant so I'm sorry if you read all that haha. And if you didn't, I understand.

So I guess the moral of the story is...I don't have self-control because I've never disciplined myself enough to have any...because I've never been in a situation where I had to have any. Even with my whole weight struggle, if you read my first post ever (which you totally should if you haven't), you'll remember how I said I haven't been completely unhappy with my weight or my looks in a lonnnnnng time. And when I was I was going through puberty and grew out of it. For the past 5-6 years I've always been told I'm "not fat" and I'm "average." And I've been OK with that because I'm good at hair and makeup and I dress well so I pretty much make myself a 7 on the pretty-scale (maybe I'm being generous. But I think I'm pretty enough).

Sorry, more rambling. I'll stop now.

I hope everyone else is staying motivated, and if you know how to use that arm-cardio machine at the gym, HIT ME UP!

Love y'all.



PS, I'm totally changing the look of this blog. Again. Be ready.