Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Just kidding!

Soooooo I think I figured out my issue with C25K last night. I know this is probably wayyyyyy over-psycho-analyzed (if that's even a term), but here's my theory:

In middle and high school, I was ALWAYS the slowest mile-runner. Even behind kids who were far heavier than me. Granted, I was never an athlete of any sort really, but it was all a mental thing looking back. The more kids passed me, the slower I ran, and the more I convinced myself I sucked at running and I hated it. C25K is timed, just like the mile was in high school. So when I have a timer in front of me counting down how much longer I need to run, I start to psych myself out. Yes, I could just turn my phone over and not look at it, but knowing it's there and it's timing me and I might not be able to make it through an interval is enough for me to get stressed and make up excuses.

So tonight, I just got on the treadmill and did my own thing. I'm not exactly sure how long my intervals were, but I know I generally wouldn't stop jogging at one time unless I got through an entire song (btw, Pitbull radio on Pandora=awesomeness). I think the longest I ran at one time was 4-5 minutes, but I still did it. And I didn't include a 5 minute cool-down in the 30 minutes I was on the treadmill, so I got further and ran more than I have been on the program. Maybe I'm just not a C25K girl. Or maybe I will be after I convince myself I can do it.

My legs still do hurt a lot when I run though. But I guess the only way for that to get better is to not have as much weight coming down on them and to make them stronger at the same time.

Mama Laughlin's post today was amazing and inspiring, and just what I needed to pump me up about this whole thing again. When the going gets tough, the tough BETTER get going if they don't want to die of heart disease at 50 years old! OK maybe that's a little dramatic, but I don't care. I'm not going to be overweight for the majority of my adult life. I'm going to get in shape NOW while I'm young, and start forming healthy habits now so when I have kids, I can pass it on and not continue to literally feed the problem of childhood obesity in America.

Oh, and btw, I haven't had fast food in a month. That's a big deal, y'all!

That's all for now.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013


That's the only word I can think of to describe how I feel tonight. I was SO NERVOUS to do day 1 of C25K, but I think I did a pretty decent job pumping myself up for it. I even got through the first 3 minutes of jogging, walked for a minute and a half, and another 5 minutes straight of jogging. I started the 5 minutes at a pretty high speed (for me), 4.8, and at two minutes left I dropped down to 4.2 for a slowwwww jog, but it was still a jog. And I felt SO EXCITED that I'd done it. I didn't think I'd have to stop getting through it one more time. But halfway through the next 3 minutes of jogging, my knee started feeling like bone was grating on bone and my ankles were killing me. I felt like a complete baby, and a fatass, because I COULDN'T keep going. I walked, then jogged, then walked, and jogged again, and after a little over 30 minutes and a little over 2 miles, I stopped and went and did some leg weight training. 

I'm re-thinking if going straight for training for a 5k is a good idea or not. Especially with my wal-mart shoes. I'm pretty confident I'll reach my 10 pound mark this week and be able to get myself real shoes, and from what I've heard good shoes make a WORLD of difference, but good shoes won't change the fact that I'm still almost 200 pounds and have neeeeevvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrr been an athlete before. Ever. I've never done any kind of physical routine other than in PE in middle school and the first two years of high school. I really feel like my legs just aren't ready--or in any shape--to be taking on this much weight under the pressure that comes from running. 

But I also don't want to give up and make excuses. 

Maybe I just need to go at my own pace for a while, and really, truly focus on weight training to build up the muscles in my legs, and in a month or so I'll be more cut out for training for a 5k. Look, I'm not trying to be an athlete. I'm not willing to injure myself in the name of getting in shape. Sue me. I know I can do it without injuring myself. It might take more time, and be a slower process, but I'm thinking I might be willing to accept that. 

Because my knee is killing me. 

Ugh. I don't know what to do. I know what I want to do, and that's be able to just run without it hurting. I know it will hurt less the more weight I lose, but it's like a messed up catch 22. I need to lose some weight in order to be able to handle running safely, but I can't lose weight without cardio. And I hate elliptical and bikes--I feel like those are cop-out cardio machines made to make people think they're doing something when they're really not. Although today I did see a guy (in very good shape) on an elliptical with weights around his ankles, and every bit of his clothes was drenched in sweat by the time he finished. Other than him, I've never really seen someone break a sweat on one of those things, or a bike unless its in a spin class. 

OK that's the end of my rant. Tomorrow I'm not doing C25K. I'm just going to focus on pushing through 2 miles at least on the treadmill, at whatever pace I need to go at. 

I also emailed my idol Mama Laughlin (see inspiration) about this whole issue I'm having. I know if I hear back it won't be for a while, but maybe it'll come at just the right time :) 

Peace out peeps!

Sunday, January 27, 2013

I hate Girl Scout Cookies

Oh, I wish that were true. But the truth is I LOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEE themmmmmmmmm!!!! Like a lot. And when I got home from work today I see that my lovely mother has bought LIKE FIVE BOXES OF COOKIES from the neighbor kid. "I felt bad because last year I told her I would buy some and I never did and bla bla bla bla bla...." 

I had one. Then I had 2 more. Did you know they're two freaking WW points a piece!? 

Looks like I'll be going to the gym tonight. My shins actually do feel better--not completely, but better than they did. Right now I'm being a bump on a log, watching the Biggest Loser. Ironic, isn't it? But I have been at work all day...and I'm not sure you know this but on the weekends I work at a different office from usual, and I have to stand the entire time. Ok I'll admit, when I don't have a reservation for like three hours, I'll go sit on a couch and read my book for a while, but for the most part I'm standing. So more than anything when I get home, all I want to do is sit on the couch. And it's cold out so cuddling with my puppy seems really fun. 

Anyway, I have to say I am getting very inspired by the Biggest Loser. I've never really gotten into it, but for some reason I feel like I have to watch it now. It is, however, extremely annoying to see these fools dropping 15 pounds in a week, while I'm over here not losing a damn thing in a whole week. I guess I'm also not locked up on a ranch without any tempting foods, with a tiny crazy lady screaming in my face for an entire 3 or 4 hour workout every day. And I don't have a bunch of money on the line. But still. 

In other news, one of my dear friends Samantha and I are going to have a little contest over the next two months. We're both trying to get fit and need to keep each other motivated, so even though we now live on exact opposite sides of the country, we can now do that. Here's how it's gonna work: 

  • Every day you track everything you eat on WW=5 pts
  • 30 minutes of cardio=5 pts
  • Any toning exercise=2 pts each 
  • Cooking a meal from scratch=2 pt (leftovers don't count)
  • Every pound lost (weekly)=1 pt
Every day we'll text our totals to each other and try to send pictures and such, and after 2 months, on March 28th, the winner gets to pick something on Etsy the other has to buy for them. I'm thinking I want a monogrammed hat. Or a monogrammed pocket tee. Thanks, pinterest. 

Samantha and I met under very strange circumstances, and a lot of people don't understand how we're friends, but she's awesome. And I'm glad she's in my life. Even if we probably won't see each other for a lonnnnng time. 

This is from over a year ago, but we both look purdy good, no? 
Alright fools, Biggest Loser is almost over (btw, I like Danni and Pam so far), and once it's done I'm going to the gym. Promise. 

Saturday, January 26, 2013

I was right about my scale being broken.

Ok that's kind of a lie. It wasn't broken. I just apparently need to start weighing myself in the mornings. Is that the most accurate time to weigh yourself? I never really thought about it. But this morning I woke up and for some reason stepped on the stupid thing and it said 197 again. Still didn't lose anything. But I also didn't GAIN anything. So there. Suck it, scale.

Anyway, I read some old posts by Mama Laughlin (see inspiration) and her post on her first day of C25k week 4 scared me from starting it tomorrow. I think I need to repeat at least a day of week 3.

Shins still hurt. Ill be icing them before I got out tonight.

In other news, I'm extremely bored at work. So bored, in fact, that I have read almost half of an entire book since 9am. See the picture? It's one of the last Nick Sparks books I haven't read yet, Message in a Bottle, and I actually like it a lot more than I anticipated. Hence why it's been sitting on my moms bookshelf for god knows how long and I've never read it even though I love MOST of his books. For some reason it never intrigued me. But I like it so far. And I'm bored.

Also, check out my nails I got done the other day. I'm obsessed with my nail girl and nail place. Ill probably dedicate a whole post to it next time I go. The color is a layer of CND strawberry smoothie and CND romantique. All shellac. I will never get a regular mani again. Yes I'm a nail and hair diva.

Ok no more rambling and boring you. Love y'all!

Friday, January 25, 2013

My new creation...

I know I already posted today. In fact, it was about an hour ago. But since then I've created an AMAZING meal. Well, as amazing as it gets when you're trying to lose weight. I'm calling it....Avocado Chicken Rice. Yep. That's right.

I know, it kind of looks like a green weird mess. But it's delicious.

I took a cup of brown rice and cooked it, then mashed up an avocado and splashed in some lime juice, salt, and pepper, and mixed it with the rice. Then I cooked some Tyson's Diced Chicken in the good ole' microwave and tossed that in too. Mixed it all together and YUMMMMM.

I promise, it's good. And one serving (about a cup) is only like 5 WW points.

Yep, I'm a genius.

First BAD workout

I knew this was bound to happen eventually. Made it through 3 weeks of C25K without ever actually having to slow down or take a break (even though a few times I thought I needed to), and on week 3 day 3, I couldn't get through it. I felt like everything was sucking. Granted, my shins have been hurting all day, perhaps from running on solid ground yesterday for the first time (maybe I should have taken a day off?). But anyway. Here was my list of excuses to quit throughout the 30 minutes on the treadmill:

my shins hurt.

pandora was giving me shitty songs and i kept having to skip them.

my tshirt was a POS. seriously never wearing it again. this one's actually legit. it kept choking me. and it felt too tight and too heavy.

someone around me was wearing too much perfume and i couldn't breathe.

the gym needed to turn the air up.

some tiny man next to me was running at 190391028392 miles per hour and intimidating me.

I'm sure more ridiculous thoughts crossed my mind but that's all I can think of at the moment. So during the final 3 minutes of jogging, I dropped down to a walk, put my hands on the handlebar (as I could hear Jillian Michaels screaming "put your hands on the treadmill and I'll kill you!" or something like that) and walked like a defeated little kid for about 30 seconds before Dierks Bentley's Free and Easy came on Pandora. Finally a good song! I thought to myself, "self, quit being a pansy and RUN." And I cranked it up to the fastest level I've been able to do so far (4.7) and finished the interval of jogging. So I guess I should be proud of myself for powering through...I just wish I could have powered through without having to drop down to a walk for that portion.

Tomorrow I'm taking a break. It's my best friend's birthday celebration (the adult one) downtown and I'm going to have fun with her. And I have to work.

But come Sunday, I'm going to wear a loose tank top like I've been wearing, make a playlist I know I'll like without skipping, and freaking run. Without stopping. I still haven't decided if I'm going to repeat a day of week 3, or continue onto week 4. We will see.

OK there's something else on my mind. And this is my blog so I'm going to write about it. One of my best friends of the last 10 years (the one I called THE best friend, as a matter of fact) and I have fallen out recently. It truly hurts me that it happened, and how it happened, but considering the way things have gone down the last few times we've seen each other, I know it's for the best. But that's a lot easier to accept in theory. In all honesty, I really wish she would just go away. We only have one mutual friend anymore anyway, but somehow the entire issue is STILL in my life. I can't seem to escape it. And I don't want to confront it. I'm hoping eventually it really will go away, but until then, it's really freaking hard to deal with. I mean losing a best friend sucks, regardless of how mean they were to you or whatever. And I'm not ignorant to the fact that when I get distracted by something, it affects everythinnnnnng. It affects me at work, it affects whether or not I want to go out and be social (hence why I'm sitting on my bed on a Friday night instead of going out with friends, like I was supposed to ), and now its affecting my workout/weight loss efforts.

I know, I know....I need to get the hell over it. And I will. Eventually.

Oh, my scale is also broken.

Just kidding, I'm just still a fat fatty and hate it. Haven't lost any weight this week. Womp womp.

Guess next week I'll be starving myself. Not really. But I'm NOT going to cheat. At all.

Sorry for the monster post. Till next time.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

5 lb plateau?

I don't think those exist. But I seem to be experiencing one. I know it's not because of something I can't control though. It's because I can't seem to figure out balancing weight loss/exercise with a social life. It's extremely frustrating. People, I work from 7 in the morning to at least 6 at night. Ideally I would go straight to the gym from work at night, come home and cook and eat dinner, shower, and go to bed. But that leaves 0 room for me to do ANYTHING with my friends. Unless they want to go to the gym with me. But most of my friends have memberships at different gyms since San Diego has about 9283921828734908 different gyms. Yesterday I decided I NEEDED to go to the gym one way or another, because I had dinner plans and plans after that, so I went on my lunch break since there's a 24 hour down the street from my work. I did my 30 minutes of c25k week 3 and went back to work. It sucked not having a real lunch break. I'm also contemplating going before work in the morning, which would mean I'd need to wake up at 430 at the latest. Again, though, that would make me want to go to bed by 8 every night, leaving me still no room for a social life.


What to do, what to do. I guess I'll just have to suck it up and go to the gym on my lunch break when I make plans for after work.


I guess that's what weight loss is all about isn't it.

So the moral of the story is, I need to get the hell over it.

Also, my feet are killing me. I really want to cheat myself out of my goal of losing 10 pounds before I get those running shoes and just reward myself with something else at 15 pounds lost...but I know that's a copout. So I'll keep on with my walmart shoes. Womp womp.

On a lighter note: I went for my run today with one of my best friends, Lindsey, along the beach at Coronado. One of my favorite places in the world. It was overcast and cool, but it was definitely different running on normal ground as opposed to a perpetually level treadmill. Also without any water sitting in front of me to re-fuel. So I guess at 15 pounds lost I'll get myself one of those things to hold my iphone and keys (so I'm not stuffing both of them into my bra, making me look even more deformed and jiggly than I already feel I look when I run) and at 20 pounds I'll get a camelback or something for water so I can run outside more often. After all, the 5k in March isn't going to be on a treadmill!!!

Alright fools, that's all for now.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

30 minutes of hell is worth it.

I haven't exactly had a good week. I lost another 3 pounds for a total of 6 pounds so far which is great, but I slacked on going to the gym. I still have 1 more day left of week 2 of C25K and it's Sunday, and I already went to the gym today haha. So basically this week is going to be intense. I plan on going to the gym every weekday except Friday so I can go to church after work, and Saturday after work.

Last night was also my work Holiday party which was SO fun, but not healthy. I consumed wayyyyy too much alcohol and wore extremely uncomfortable shoes, so running today was even more hellish than usual. But about midway through my C25K session, I realized something: 30 minutes of hell is soooooooo worth feeling like I accomplished something the rest of the day.

On a lighter note I HAVE been cookin' up some good food! I don't know what I'd do without Skinnytaste. Delicious recipes skinny-fied and with points already calculated.

4 more pounds until I get myself some real running shoes! I'm really looking forward to not having my feet go numb in certain areas midway through a run.

Tonight should be an interesting night for eating since I'll be going to my BEST FRIEND IN THE ENTIRE WORLD'S birthday dinner. Her family, God bless them, always cooks a ton of delicious food, none of which is usually healthy haha.

Here's a picture of me and Cassie:

Don't mind the headless boobs in the lower corner.
Not sure who those belonged to. 
By the way, I hope you noticed by now I'm very strategic with posing for pictures. You wouldn't guess I weight about 200 pounds at that point, would you?

Here's the gift basket I put together for Cassie thanks to World Market's build-a-gift basket section. God, I love that store.

The contents include:
A cheap bottle of rose wine
Quadratini wafers (my weakness)
Body wash, lotion, and body spray from Cassie's fav store
A lufa
Shea-infused cat socks
A funny birthday card about beer, Cassie's favorite drink
I'm a pretty good friend, right? Just kidding. I just love her a whole lot, and love giving gifts.

Alright that's all for now folks.

Friday, January 18, 2013

I was bad yesterday.

Yep, sure was. My stupid (amazing) assistant manager had the bright idea to have a bowl of candy in our office for our customers. And not the cheapy shitty candy. The GOOD candy. Like reese's, snickers, etc fun sized. AND our car sales representative brought in those horribly delicious bite sized brownies that cost like 8 bucks a box at the grocery store. Anything to make a sale, right? Ugh. So, I nibbled a lot yesterday even though I knew I had dinner plans at Chili's (FYI, not WW friendly) and wasn't going to be going to the gym. Then I went to Chili's and had two skinny marg's and the lighter choice tilapia...after sharing some spinach and artichoke dip. So....bottom line: Yesterday was NOT a good day as far as self-control goes. Oh well. Hopefully that's the last day like that for a while. Still pushing to make the 10 pound mark so I can go get fitted for real running shoes. Fingers crossed that happen sometime this week!!!

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Here goes nothing...

Hello non-existent readers (hopefully you'll exist one day). Welcome to my first post.

A week and a half ago I bit the bullet and enrolled in Weight Watchers Online. My manager at work goes to meetings and has steadily been losing weight for a while now, and for some reason something clicked for me with the start of the New Year. I've pretty much been overweight for a lonnng time now. I remember being super young and being a total stringbean. I was tall and skinny. So much so that people used to say I should be a model. YEAH RIGHT. At some point my mom started letting me eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and I blew up. Like, literally. By middle school I was a chunky monkey. There were definitely kids that were heavier than me, but I wasn't cute. I thinned out a little bit as I got taller through high school, but it still makes me sad to look back at pictures of myself.

When I moved away for college (at 17 years old) I was a size 14-16. My freshman year I introduced alcohol to my diet (judge me.), but somehow, some way, I lost a little bit of weight. Nothing I ever tracked on a scale, but I didn't ever have to wear size 16's after that year. I think it was a combo of stress and not having the money to over-eat haha. My sophomore year, for some strange reason, I got a wild hare up my ass, so to speak, and started counting calories and going to the gym 5 times a week. I didn't weight myself, again, but I dropped down to a size 12 and lost ALL motivation. I got busy with school, started dating someone (and then someone else, and then someone else, and then someone else...), and was overwhelmed with sorority stuff, and my weight kind of stopped bothering me. Basically, I was still overweight, but I didn't FEEL horrible about myself, and people always told me I WASN'T fat. They said I was average. Always. And I was OK with that.

People still say I'm not fat, and I still like what I see when I look in the mirrors most days. Sometimes I even think I look good. But I feel HORRIBLE. I work 50 hours a week and am exhausted. All. The. Time. I get a good amount of sleep most nights, so that's not why I'm so tired. It's because my diet spiraled out of control. I started eating fast food a lot when I got to Memphis, and even though I LOVE to cook, I convinced myself that I was much busier than the average person and didn't have time to cook or work out. Lies lies lies! Last week I also decided to stop wasting 35 bucks a month on the gym membership I've had since high school and I downloaded the C25K app on my phone. My long-term goal right now is to run a 5k in March with some girlfriends, and by then I want to be 20 pounds lighter. I also bought a scale.

I've always lied about my weight, so this is a big deal. My starting weight with WW Online was 203.2. Seriously? Seriously!? Luckily I dropped down to 199 the first week, and I'm determined NEVER to cross that 200 pound line again. Today I weighed myself and I was 197, so I know I'm making progress. Slowly but surely.

The reason I've chosen to run for my weight loss is because, well, I used to hate running. Like, more than anything. I used to convince myself I couldn't do it. I hated the mile run in middle and high school because I was ALWAYS the slowest one. Even slower than kids much heavier than me. So being able to now jog for 90 seconds and walk for 90 seconds for 20 minutes straight (week 2 of C25K) is a huge deal for me. I can see and feel the progress when I'm running more than any other workout routine I've ever done. It still sucks, but I know one day it won't. Hopefully that day comes before the Hot Chocolate I'm sure it will.

My short-term goal is 10 pounds lost. Once I reach that goal, I'm going to reward myself by getting fitted for and buying running shoes. My wal-mart ones just aren't cutting it.

Sorry for the monster post, the rest will be shorter. Thanks for reading, non-existent reader!!