Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Here goes nothing...

Hello non-existent readers (hopefully you'll exist one day). Welcome to my first post.

A week and a half ago I bit the bullet and enrolled in Weight Watchers Online. My manager at work goes to meetings and has steadily been losing weight for a while now, and for some reason something clicked for me with the start of the New Year. I've pretty much been overweight for a lonnng time now. I remember being super young and being a total stringbean. I was tall and skinny. So much so that people used to say I should be a model. YEAH RIGHT. At some point my mom started letting me eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and I blew up. Like, literally. By middle school I was a chunky monkey. There were definitely kids that were heavier than me, but I wasn't cute. I thinned out a little bit as I got taller through high school, but it still makes me sad to look back at pictures of myself.

When I moved away for college (at 17 years old) I was a size 14-16. My freshman year I introduced alcohol to my diet (judge me.), but somehow, some way, I lost a little bit of weight. Nothing I ever tracked on a scale, but I didn't ever have to wear size 16's after that year. I think it was a combo of stress and not having the money to over-eat haha. My sophomore year, for some strange reason, I got a wild hare up my ass, so to speak, and started counting calories and going to the gym 5 times a week. I didn't weight myself, again, but I dropped down to a size 12 and lost ALL motivation. I got busy with school, started dating someone (and then someone else, and then someone else, and then someone else...), and was overwhelmed with sorority stuff, and my weight kind of stopped bothering me. Basically, I was still overweight, but I didn't FEEL horrible about myself, and people always told me I WASN'T fat. They said I was average. Always. And I was OK with that.

People still say I'm not fat, and I still like what I see when I look in the mirrors most days. Sometimes I even think I look good. But I feel HORRIBLE. I work 50 hours a week and am exhausted. All. The. Time. I get a good amount of sleep most nights, so that's not why I'm so tired. It's because my diet spiraled out of control. I started eating fast food a lot when I got to Memphis, and even though I LOVE to cook, I convinced myself that I was much busier than the average person and didn't have time to cook or work out. Lies lies lies! Last week I also decided to stop wasting 35 bucks a month on the gym membership I've had since high school and I downloaded the C25K app on my phone. My long-term goal right now is to run a 5k in March with some girlfriends, and by then I want to be 20 pounds lighter. I also bought a scale.

I've always lied about my weight, so this is a big deal. My starting weight with WW Online was 203.2. Seriously? Seriously!? Luckily I dropped down to 199 the first week, and I'm determined NEVER to cross that 200 pound line again. Today I weighed myself and I was 197, so I know I'm making progress. Slowly but surely.

The reason I've chosen to run for my weight loss is because, well, I used to hate running. Like, more than anything. I used to convince myself I couldn't do it. I hated the mile run in middle and high school because I was ALWAYS the slowest one. Even slower than kids much heavier than me. So being able to now jog for 90 seconds and walk for 90 seconds for 20 minutes straight (week 2 of C25K) is a huge deal for me. I can see and feel the progress when I'm running more than any other workout routine I've ever done. It still sucks, but I know one day it won't. Hopefully that day comes before the Hot Chocolate I'm sure it will.

My short-term goal is 10 pounds lost. Once I reach that goal, I'm going to reward myself by getting fitted for and buying running shoes. My wal-mart ones just aren't cutting it.

Sorry for the monster post, the rest will be shorter. Thanks for reading, non-existent reader!!

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